Scout's Law: A Team Fortress 2 Story
by Innocent Fox
Summary: A short one shot of friendship, guns and crying Russians. Rated T for sexual references and humour.


Scout's Law: A Team Fortress 2 Story

The Scout watched from the water as his team mates fell around him, into the water, he never thought he'd see such carnage in a simple dispute over two company's ideals.

_One day earlier…_

"Hello Mr Scout! How are you this fine afternoon?" The Engineer bellowed from the sniper outlook.

"Hey man, what's up with it being all quiet on frickin' 2Fort? There are always some idiots wanting to get killed!" The Scout shouted back from the bridge overlooking RED territory.

"When them guys be whoopin' and a hollerin' from their side, we'll know when to strike! Them fools be stupid! They can't even spell 'engineer' let alone kill one!"

"Hah, you got that right and I'd be all 'Punk!' And let steel hit their teeth."

The Scout walked downstairs and made sure he had kept his lucky necklace clutched in his hand; he kissed it and ventured further into the depths of the Information Room.

"Hello Scout, your mission for today is-"said the computer.

"No need, let me guess I'm gonna lay back and drink coffee all day again?" The Scout interrupted.

"Actually…you have a top secret agenda; you are to recover the RED documents from the rival intelligence base," came the womanly voice programming.

"Sweet! Finally some action out on the field…and not a Heavy on site, this is gonna be great!"

The Scout took his sawn off out of his backpack carefully and placed it in the munitions room, the feel of the handle made him think of an experience with a male cousin ten years before, but he quickly got his mind off that memory and was ready to sprint and grab before the enemy had blinked. He jumped from the sniping position and landed on the wooden roof, splintering the texture that had been crafted. His eyes darted upwards and he saw a glint of sunlight before setting off.

_With The Sniper watching over me, I should be good to go… _he thought.

He had thought too soon, his sniper was now out of sight ironically.

"Sniper?!" he shouted towards the balcony.

No reply.

"Dang…and I was just getting past his macho exterior…" he thought sadly.

His deep blue eyes caught a sight ten yards ahead, it was a Spy.

"Aha! Gotcha asshole!"

The Scout leapt off the roof and surveyed the area, there was no sign.

"Crap." The Scout's utterances becoming quieter and more disheartened.

Suddenly, a knife appeared from behind him, taking him by surprise, his reflexes were faster than The Spy's and he jumped ahead, taking his pistol from the holster and shooting manically at the wall.

"Invisibility? Major WTF bro."

A heavy Romanian accent replied to him.

"He may be invisible but I'm not."

The Scout turned to greet is enemy, The Heavy.

"Hi." The Scout didn't reveal, but he had soiled himself.

"Hello, comrade." The Heavy took the mini-gun from his back and shot three hundred rounds at The Scout, missing every one of them as he dodged the bullets.

As the dust settled, a figure winced and groaned. A silhouette fell to the floor after speaking.

"You got me…"

The pained voice was from The Spy.

"FRIENDLY FIREEEEEEE!" The Heavy had killed his friend, but relaxed and shouted 'Medic.'

The Scout had already sneaked into the enemy base before The Heavy realised, taking his chance, however The Medic was making adjustments to a cage.

"Ah, The Scout and The Engi-Engi…how you say fixer?!" the German accent came.

"I told you they couldn't say it." The Engineer spoke from behind his prison, before The Scout asked, "Erm, you might wanna hold this."

He handed a bomb over to him; it had three seconds left on it.

"I sorta mighta borrowed that from you Demo friend over there."

The Scout gestured to the charred remains of a Pyro and a Demoman.

"I blocked The Pyro's flamethrower with my bat, it jammed and the fire exploded up in his face."

"But ze flameproof suit?"

"Yeah, The Demoman might have planted a mine nearby 'cause I used the splash damage to hurt him. Friendly fire and all that. Oh and by the way, time's up."

The Medic had blown up; clearly not registering the three seconds had become thirty all because of an overly long conversation. The cage opened and The Engineer walked out congratulating him.

"Wow, why thank ya son. To think we would have failed without you."

"S'all in a days work."

As the two heroes headed back to base, a crying Heavy was tending to his friends corpse. Sobbing poetry into the air and singing songs.

"Jeez, get a room, would ya?" The Scout had replied before shouting, "Punk!" and he hit The Heavy around the head, killing him instantly.

It was a happy ending, until tomorrow, when they had to do it all over again.

The End.


End file.
